It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
