You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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