I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
