I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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