You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
