Whod you bang
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
