i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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