Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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