I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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