I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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