Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I skipped work to stalk him.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
