6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
