I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
