he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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