Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
