He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
