is your mom at the bar?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
