Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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