Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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