Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
