I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
