I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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