Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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