btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
