omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
