wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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