you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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