Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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