is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
