I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
