Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
