he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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