Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
