I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
