VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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