Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
