I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
