Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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