he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
