The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
