Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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