I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
