her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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