i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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