Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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