Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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