How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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