when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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