I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
