Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
