I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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