I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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