I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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