He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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