he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
