the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
