yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
